Common, but not normal
Many women feel pain on penetration, burning afterwards, or a deeper ache in certain positions. Some avoid intimacy altogether; others “put up with it” and feel guilty. It is rarely talked about, even in medical appointments.
Pain during sex — clinically, dyspareunia — is common after birth, in menopause, in women with endometriosis or after repeated infections. Common, yes. Normal, no. Pain is a signal from your body, and it deserves to be heard with time and without judgement.
What may be at the root
- Tense pelvic floor muscles. When the muscles around the vagina are guarding, penetration becomes difficult or painful. Tension often sets in after an experience of pain and then feeds itself.
- Birth scars. An episiotomy or tear can leave areas that are stiffer or more sensitive.
- Hormonal changes. Breastfeeding and menopause lower oestrogen, and the vaginal lining becomes thinner and drier.
- Mobility of the pelvic organs. Adhesions, endometriosis or surgery can restrict how the uterus and surrounding tissues move and cause deep pain.
- The nervous system. Stress, anxiety and the memory of past pain make the body more sensitive. This does not mean it is “all in your head”: the pain is real.
How we can help
First of all, the consultation is a safe space. We begin by talking, and every step of the assessment is explained and only happens with your consent — you can stop at any moment.
Pelvic physiotherapy helps the muscles relax and become more aware, works on scars and reduces tissue sensitivity, with exercises you can continue at home. Visceral osteopathy aims to improve the mobility of the pelvis and pelvic organs. Acupuncture may be a complement to help the body step out of alert mode. This work complements your gynaecologist’s assessment, which matters to rule out infection or other causes.
What you can do now
- Breathe into your belly. A few slow breaths, letting your tummy and perineum soften as you breathe in, help the pelvic floor let go.
- Use a lubricant, water-based, especially after birth, while breastfeeding or in menopause.
- Take your time and talk to your partner. More time for foreplay and the freedom to stop when it hurts help break the pain–tension cycle.
If this sounds like you, get in touch. You do not have to live with pain.